Golfers are a special breed. They love the game even when they’re struggling to make a decent shot. They have a sense of humor about it all – which is why we’ve collected 40 funny quotes about golf. We have funny quotes about golf from pros, announcers, writers, and celebrities. Whether you’re a golfer or you enjoy a good laugh, you’re sure to enjoy these 40 funny quotes about golf!
Golf can be a frustrating and perplexing game, but it can also be a source of great humor and wit. From the famous golfers to the everyday duffers, many have had something funny to say about the game. These quotes range from the clever to the absurd, but they all have one thing in common: they will make you laugh. Whether you’re looking for a chuckle on the course or a good laugh off the green, these quotes are sure to entertain. So without further ado, let’s dive into our collection of 40 funny quotes about golf.
From the Pros
Here are quotes about golf from professional golfers that showcase their wit, wisdom and experience about the game. These quotes will give you an insight into the minds of some of the greatest golfers of all time and offer a fresh perspective on the game. From their observations on the sport to their personal philosophies, these quotes will entertain and inspire golf enthusiasts everywhere.
- “The more I practice the luckier I get.” – Gary Player
- “They call it Golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.” – Raymond Floyd
- “If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.” – Lee Trevino
- “Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.” – Tommy Armour
- “If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.” – Sam Snead
- “Golf is a fascinating game. I’ve taken nearly 40 years to discover that I can play it.” – Ted Ray
- “They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.” – Gardner Dickinson
- “I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for – getting paid for doing what you love.” – Tiger Woods
- “You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband’s work.” – Lee Trevino
- “I have a tip that can take five shots off everyone’s game. It’s called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer
What Caddies Have to Say
These quotes about golf from professional caddies showcase their unique perspective on the game. Caddies are an integral part of the sport, and they see the game from a different angle than the players. Their observations on the sport and their personal philosophies often reflect the hard work, dedication and sense of humor required in the job. These quotes will entertain and enlighten golf enthusiasts everywhere with a behind the scene look at the game from the caddy’s point of view.
- “Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot a 66, they say ‘Man, we shot a 66 today.’ But go out and shoot a 77 and they say ‘Hell, he shot a 77 today.’” – Lee Trevino
- “The only time I talk on the golf course is to my caddy. And then only to complain when he has given me the wrong club.” – Seve Ballesteros
- “Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with a driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.” – Huxtable Pippey
- “If a caddie can help you, you don’t know how to play golf.” – Dan Jenkins
- “I don’t know why that putt hung on the edge. I’m a clean liver. It must be my caddie.” – JoAnne Carner
- “If I needed advice from my caddie, he’d be hitting the shots and I’d be carrying the bag.” – Bobby Jones
- “Once when I’d be in a lot of bunkers, my caddie told me he was getting blisters from raking so much.” – JoAnne Carner
- “Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn’t care either.” – Lee Trevino
- “I don’t think anywhere is there a symbiotic relationship between caddie and player like there is in golf.” – Johnny Miller
- “I never had any thought the whole week. I figured my caddie [Jerry Beard] knew the course a lot better than me, so I put out my hand and played whatever club he put in it. I’d say, “How hard do I hit it?” He’d tell me and I’d swing. The guys who come down here once a year and try to get smart with Mr. Jones’ course are the dumb ones.” ~ Fuzzy Zoeller
Announcers and Writers
Announcers and writers showcase their unique perspective on the game. These quotes come from individuals who have dedicated their careers to covering the sport and have accumulated a wealth of knowledge and insight about the game. Whether they’re describing the action on the course, or offering their thoughts on the players, these quotes reflect the passion and enthusiasm that these commentators and writers have for the sport. These quotes will entertain and enlighten golf enthusiasts everywhere with a fresh perspective on the game from the eyes of the commentators and writers.
- “The world’s No. 1 tennis player spends 90% of his time winning, while the world’s No. 1 golfer spends 90% of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.” – David Feherty
- “These greens are so fast it’s like they have been bikini-waxed.” – Gary McCord
- “Fortunately he is 22 years old, so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.” – David Feherty on Rory McIlroy
- “It’s like an octopus falling out of a tree.” – David Feherty describing Jim Furyk’s swing
- “If he couldn’t chip, he would be selling cars in San Diego.” – Johnny Miller on Phil Mickelson
- “The golf swing is like a suitcase in which we are trying to pack one too many things.” – John Updike
- “Golf is a game where you yell, ‘FORE,’ shoot six and write down 5.” – Napolean Hill
- “There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.” – Andrew Perry
- “I’d play every day if I could. It’s cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.” – Brent Musburger
- “To find a man’s character, play golf with him.” – P.G. Wodehouse
Celebrities and More
Celebrities and other famous figures share their thoughts and feelings on the game. These quotes come from individuals who may not necessarily be golfers themselves, but have found themselves drawn to the sport in some way. Whether they’re describing their experiences on the course or expressing their love for the game, these quotes reflect the diverse appeal of golf and the many ways in which it resonates with different people. These quotes will entertain and enlighten golf enthusiasts everywhere with a fresh perspective on the game from the eyes of the celebrities and other famous figures who have been touched by the game.
- “I was lying ten and had a thirty-five-foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder, how does this one break? My caddie says “Who cares!” – Jack Lemmon
- “I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a bunker. For that, I have a caddy.” – Bob Hope
- “Give me clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” – Jack Benny
- “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin
- “If you think it’s hard meeting new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon
- “I always thought of myself as some sort of athlete until I started playing golf a couple of years ago.” – James Caan
- “I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.” -Jeff Foxworthy
- “I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can’t even talk about my own handicap because it’s too upsetting.” – Shia LeBeouf
- “Fame is addictive. Money is addictive. Attention is addictive. But golf is second to none.” – Marc Anthony
- “All I do is play music and golf. Which one do you want me to give up?” – Willie Nelson
No matter how good or bad your golf game is, these funny quotes about golf are sure to get a laugh out of everyone on the course. Next time you’re feeling down about that missed putt or elusive hole in one, just remember – it could always be worse! And if you’re looking for the perfect way to add some humor to your game or find the perfect gift for the golfer in your life, be sure to check out our collection of funny golf gifts by clicking the link below. Happy teeing off!